I bought Returnal, a video game from developer Housemarque, without knowing a thing about it. Well, that’s not entirely true. I knew from the trailer that it had something to do with escaping a time loop and there was some futuristic-looking technology and monsters or something. None of that mattered, because I wasn’t buying it for the gameplay, I was buying it because of its protagonist, Selene. Selene is a fairly ordinary video game character in most respects: agile, capable, smart, facing a seemingly insurmountable challenge. It’s unusual for the playable character to be a woman, but that’s not what makes Selene special. It’s that she’s middle-aged. I finally get to see myself in a video game.
I turn 50 this year, and it’s not what I expected at all. I know I’m not young anymore, but I certainly don’t feel old. Middle age, it turns out, feels exactly like what it is—that time of life when you’re smarter than you used to be, and more importantly, smart enough to know you don’t know everything. I can’t move as fast as I could in college, and I’ve got lines on my face, but overall I’m doing OK physically. If I may be so bold, I think this is the best version of me that’s existed so far. Too bad nobody seems to notice.
